TINAS TRANSGENDER WORLD

From A Coal Miner To A Lady

This is my biography and story that covers over 40 years of my life ,and the struggles ive encountered with my own gender identity and my true inner self .

I was born in the year of 1955 in the queen of the midlands Nottingham ,and was an only child that grew up with my parents and grandparents and aunt in in one big massive old house in a place called Old Basford .

You can only decribe what we had then as being quite a managery realy ,and kept many animals to help eak out the very meager living we all had ,and this included keeping chickens ,ducks ,and rabbits all animals that would eventually find there way on the out dinner table to help with the food thing ,and add to all this the dogs my aunt bred and the canaries my grandfather bred and you can imagine it was more like a zoo than a house .

This was the 1950s it was grey and dismal and quite honestly very hard for all concerned being so close to the end of ww2 and the rationing that hit everybody in the uk .

My parents worked hard to try and ern what they could ,and little things just seemed to be valued alot more all round ,and the few bits we did have were looked after because they were so hard come bye .

It was a very grey and dirty time with chimneys bellowing out sheets of smoke ,and i can clearly remember spending many hours in my push chair at the local crossings watching the coal trains endlesley troop by pulling hundreds of trucks loaded with the black gold the thing they called coal heading from the huge nottinghamshire coal fields to help power industry and the the power stations in the trent valley .

Everything it seemed was powered by this substance dug up from below the earth ,and it showed with the tons of smogg that developed from millions of chimneys and factories belowing out this dirty smelly clouds of smoke .

Yes it was a time of great shortage but also a time of great releif by people having struggled through ww2 and everything that went with it and all the hardships ,and i know in peoples eyes it was a time of great pride and of new hope for the country they lived in .

At a very early age i started to realise that there was somthing diferant about myself ,but i couldant really get to grips with it or put my finger on it at all ,and in the next few years i struggled badly to try and understand this in some way .

When i reached the age of 5-6 we had managed to move into our first council house away from basford and this was a new property in an area called bestwood park ,and i started at my first infant school Robin Hood a short distance from wear we lived , still with this thing about my feelings growing ever more inside me like a growth that could not be treated .

In those days with money being very scarce you kinda made your own little pastimes and things like makeing rag dollies out of a few pence worth of scraps of material soon became my interest along with makeing pom-poms out of left over balls of knitting wool ,and this amused me for many many hours and my tallents quickly grew and bit by bit i moved onto the art thing learning myself to sketch and draw to a very high standard for my age and this progressed on to painting with water colours and eventually the oils thing .

My views on how i saw myself and the world seemed you might say abit odd by any standards ,and i just loved it when my cousen Sandra came to viset at my grandparents and we sat for hours playing hairdressers ,witch i just loved and gave me great satisfaction .

The trouble now was i was starting to feel very dificult about my feelings about myself ,and i guess the distinct shyness that developed out of this was just my way of trying to handle things the best i could .

But what was starting to rear its head was the question about my own sexuallity that i just couldant understand ,only the fact that it was starting to be quite evident i was not the run of the mill young lad like thousands of others my age ,and life at this point started to seem very very complicated ,and not being able to talk with others and only keep this unfused time bomb inside me just added to the complications .

For a number of years i battled with this inner termoil that at times just seemed to really get to me in a big way ,because i had no clue how to deal with this strange thing that had entered my life .

When i reached the age of about 9 years my interest in female clothing started and i found myself rummeging through mothers clothes ,and feeling very strongley that the urge to want to try them on was very great ,but on the other side my feeling were telling me this was all totally wrong to be thinking and doing this at all .

But the feelings were just too strong and little by little the clothes thing just grew ,and this went on and on and every opertunity i could find to do this was eagerly taken up .

After a while the next stage started ,i needed to want to have my own female things and the little bits i could squirel from hear and there and the bits i could buy from my pocket money were all very carefully stashed away in the house till i was on my own and able to get them out and satisfy my needs .

By now i was in my last years of seconday school and another of my tallents was quickly developing fast ,my love of amuture dramitics ,and i was quickly picked out to be one of the few picked out to be part of the special drama group that would put quite grandiose productions on in the massive shool hall infront of thousands of people on two week runs .

Little did anybody realise that the side to this nobody knew about was the fact it was giving me chances to wear female clothes ,wigs and makeup and generly practice my hearts desire with out raising any suspician what so ever .

While in my last year at school i used to go on thursday night to the local hop ( school disco ) that was also held in the massive school hall .

After a few times i found myself attracted to a young lady i had seen a few times while there ,and after many nights of trying to pluck up enough courage to go over and chat ,i finally made the effort and dragged myself over to her and introduced myself .

Remember i was 15 years old and she was only 14 years old ,but looked much more developed for her age , and Diana and myself quickly became an item and that started a relationship between us , and after a short while we just did what came natural to most teenagers of that time and the exploration of our sexuality just seemed normal in every way really .

It quickly became obviouse that another side to myself was surfacing now ,a side that saw me buying diana clothes and femi things ,and this sorta gave me great satifaction and in her eyes she didant realise all i was doing was turning her into a sort of model of how i wanted to be myself .

Diana obviously read the gift thing diferantly and this quickly made her feelings towards me very strong ,and this led to more intinate things and sexual intercouse on a few acasions ,and being very inexperinced at this ,hey presto ,bang bang ,i made a wicked mistake ,and diana became pregnant ,hell what a mess things were ,and both being under the legal age in the eyes of the law ,we were both in quite a big cituation really .after a week or two and a couple of very angry encounters with dianas father ,she was quckly given an abortion and banned from seeing me again .

Well as it happens that was always gonna be the nearest i was ever gonna be to a parent because i never made any more mistakes and never tried with any partner to conceive a child again .

Well i was 15 years of age now and about to leave school with no qualifications whatso ever ,and with just a love of all things arty , my thoughts really swayed towards learning hairdressing ,but i knew it wasant the done thing and after great deliberation and with having no qualifications i  quickly realised i needed a job and headed towards the coal indusrty ,ad after an interview started my training underground at Moorgreen Colliery ,and then quickly moved after training to my local deep mine Gedling Colliery ,wear i worked several hundred feet below the surface and about seven miles out from the bottom of that very deep hole ,( yep i had entered a world that beared very little relationship to how i felt about my self inside ) i was now a coal miner in that dirty dark world hundreds of feet below the light and and surface .

Part Two Of My Story & Bio.

Bye now i had found a way out the coalmines ,and we had the end of the 1960s the decade wear the beatles ruled the music scene in the uk ,and Elvis was king else wear.

The 70,s brought me a new job at a school suply company in nottingham and the music scene was now dominated by glam rock , and groups like the sweet , and longer hairstyles were the in thing and this worked well for me as mine was very long by then and right down my back to my waiste,and totally jet black in colour .    Many girls and ladys commented on my hair and how great it was for a guy to have an head of hair that good ,little did they ever know the real reason really .

My weekends were now being spent on the Lincolnshire coast at a place called Mablethorpe ,and it was there i met Jane and fell totally smitten with her .        She lived there in a bungalow not far from the Golden Sands holiday village and her parents kept a small buiseness there .

We got to know each other prity well ,and spent many happy hours together in that coastal resort ,but she never got to find out my secret about my gender issues about myself .

I guess the problems started once again when i found myself trying to do the exact same thing again with her as i had done previously with diana ,and the clothes and shoes thing started all over again .

After many months together Jane and myself ended up getting engaged ,probably a stupid thing under the circumstances ,but it seemed right at the time ,and my feelings were there towards her .

As we aproached october Jane decided she wanted to come to Nottingham to see its famouse Goose Fair ,and told me her freinds father owned property hear and had a flat she could use for her stay in Nottingham .

This turned out to be a big mistake as the place turned out to be a right wreck and looked like a bomb site to be honest, and this really annoyed me and i knew i had to find her other accomidation for her stay hear ,and this ended up being booking her into the woodville hotel on mansfield road at quite conciderable cost with my wages not being all that good anyway.

By now my feelings were swinging towards my gender problems once more , and i knew in my heart of hearts what my heart was telling me i had to do ,and the only thing that seemed for the best was to finish the relationship between us and not burden her with my inner problems .

So with great trepidation i told Jane that i felt we had to finish the relationship ,it wasant what i really wanted but i knew it was the right thing to do totally .

So one of the hardest things ive had to do in my life todate had been put into motion and we both ended up in floods of tears ,but it was a thing that had to be done , and the kindest thing in the long run im sure.

Yes it was a heart rendering time ,and it seemed like the end of the world have come in its own right ,and in the proceeding weeks i sunk into what can only be desribed as a sort of depression ,but i knew the true love i had found with Jane wouldant let me carry on deceiving her like i had and i honestly felt that it was the rightful thing to do under the circumstances .

Part Three Of My Story & Bio

Several months had passed and i just sunk further and further into myself and it seemed like life was so cruel and i knew that any relationship was gonna be prity much doomed because of my feelings towards my gender of myself ,and this just left me in a cituation wear the lonlyness was gonna bite hard and inflict its own punishment on me as a person .

I had to pull myself out of this ,but knew one thing and that was my inner femininity was gonna win anyway ,and so i just let it kinda take over .

The 70s was a good time for me and the music and the glitz and glammer suited me ,the platform shoes ,and the outragiouse things you could get away with fasion wise were really good ,and i started to wear little bits of female attire in a suckle way in public and when going out .

The newspapers started to publish and print articles of other people who wanted to do sex changes ,or as we now call it ( gender reasignments ), and i knew it was the most important thing in my world to establish my inner self and become the woman i truly knew i was inside and should have been from birth .

The next few years rolled bye and i just shouldered the inner termoil and hurt inside myself ,and it was a frustrating very dificult time looking back ,and with no clear route to travel to get to my goal ,it all seemed like one mamoth task ahead .

Everything i could lay my hands on from either the press /newspapers or on the tv totally facinated me beyond beleif and i studied all i could find on the subject .

The next biggie to crop up was an article that would inspire me more that i could ever desribe , and in the daily newspaper the was a centre page spread and article about a boy from Norfolk called Barry Cossey ( now Caroline Cossey )" TULA " as she became known .

Her story rang so many bells with myself and totally facinated me in all respects ,because alot of her story was just like talking about myself really ,all very simler and i could identify many of the points in her story .

Caroline had prity much found herself in the same cituation as myself ,and had the guts to act on this and ran off to London as a female dancer in a show there ,and had talked a doctor into giving hormones to her for her treatment and months later had her surgery her gender reasignment at the famouse Charring Cross Hospital in London .

Her book called "TULA I AM A WOMAN " became a best seller ,and i wread this many times cover to cover and just about whore it out ,and i guess she became my hero really in every way .

Tula became a houshold name and became a glammer model and features on many great calenders including the famouse ones ,and eventually got spotted by a film scout and ended up in the bond movie " For Your Eyes Only " with roger moore .

She is now living happyly in the usa with her husband ,and yes i was so enviouse really and dreamed that in some way my own journey might in some way be partly realised with my own surgery .

One things for sure i knew that things in life and dreams are only as good as you care to make them ive found .

Part 4 Of My Story And Bio

Im now in the 1980s and with several more failed relationships under my belt and feeling in a state of not knowing what to do about my problem ,i went to see my doctor a very understanding person that is very knoledgable as a medical person in alot of diferant fields .

I explained my predicament to him the best way i could and i must say he seemed rather sympathetic towards me ,and explained if thats the person you truly are inside ,nothing or nobody can change that and ill be this way the rest of my life .

He arranged to bring a councilor into the surgery on a weekly basis who specialised in these types of issues ,and within a couple of weeks my sessions started with him .

Prity soom after my gp /doctor retired and the councillor who was trying to at least help me moved to another area ,and i decided that at this point despite loosing the understanding i was getting from the medical profession now ,it wasant a good time to risk upsetting my family because my mother was now sufering badly with her nerves and i dear not risk tipping her over the edge with this dropped on her ,so now my gender councilling was on stop and my dream with it .

After a few months and a new doctor in place ,i decided to chance my hand with this new doctor and try and explain myself once more and open up about my feelings about myself .

It went reasonably well and i was told to expect an apointment in the post witch duly arrived a week or two later with an apointment to go to Mapperley Hospital .

The day came and i made my way there and ended up infront of two doctor shrink type people both ladys .  they listend to my story and then proceeded to to ridicule me and mock me ,witch hurt alot and my ego took a severe battering again from this

All this did was kinda left me in a state of shear termoil again ,and i could not really understand how people could be so dis understanding and hurtful to there  fellow humans .

Not knowing what to do next i rang the helpline number i had found in the directory and this was about a group for trans people thats based in nottingham called the chamelian group .      I decided to give one of the group managers a ring and explain to them my feelings,and they insisted i came along to see on the first available thursday evening .

On that first night i was asked my femi name and the first name that tripped off my tongue was Tina ,and 20 years on thats my legal name now ive ive used it for all these years .

Also now in my life came a new passion and pastime ,my love of music and this spurred me on to start up dj-ing and start my own roadshow ,and this became known as The Startracks Disco And Lightshow witch i did for a further twenty years and did hundreds of weddings ,engagements and other private functions and also special theme nights at local clubs and venues .     This at least seemed another way to express myself and it took my mind of slightley the inner termoil i was still suffering about my gender identity ,and mixed in with this was another sprinkling of trivial relationships that dont evan warrent a mention by name .

As the years rolled by we hit the end of the 90s and the decade and feeling as frustrated as ever i realised i was having some sort of health problem .,and most of the time i felt really off and tired and not fully on the ball and this was starting to cause me problems at the engineering suplies firm i had now worked at for a number of years .

I aproached my doctor and had several big check ups and loads of bloods done ,but to no avail it was showing nothing up ,so out of desperation i arranged to see several specilists privately ,and evan these were bringing nothing up that would bring any clues to what was causing me problems ,so several hundreds of pounds later a freind sugested alternative medicen ,and i arranged to see a guy at the Nottinghan Natural Health Centre called Nick Heynes ,and after a very long consultation one evening we agreed on getting some tests done through an indipendant testing lab in North Carolina In The U.S.A ,this lab was called Smokey Mountain Labs .

After about three weeks the results came back and it showed i had some sort of bacterial infection called Citrobactor Frundii , and the solution was to take one of the antibiotics they listed on the test report .

So after a viset to my doctor and showing her the results she agreed to put me on Ciprofloxacin a very strong systemic antibiotic and i took this for several months continuasly ,not realising it was gonna cause me one major problem in the comeing future .

It wasant long before it was evident that after more tests done in the USA that 5 months of this drug had done a prity good job of wipeing my imune system out and had let another major problem in me .

After much digging around on my own i ran across an ilness that fitted the bill to all my symptons and this was Candida Albicans ,so after more digging i was able to locate a lady who was a specilist in this field and her name was Jackie Sharret .

She did more tests on me and confirmed it was as i suspected Candida Albicans and takeing all those drugs had most probably wiped out not only the bad stuff in my gut but also most of the benificial bacteria that is a good chunk of a persons defence system ,and take this away and the yeast takes its place and after a while can change from a yeast thing to a fungal thing and penitrate the gut wall and you end up with a problem called leaky gut ( permiable gut syndrome ) and once in there it can get to the blood and it all round the body .      The trouble is this is very little understood in the general medical profession and most doctors dont evan know how to start dealing with it .

I was emediatly put on a special sugar free diet and told to keep away from certain food as these could be processed into things that would feed candida in my systen ,and given loads of supliments and natural items to help kill this thing off .

After many months of diligently struggling with the reigeem at last things started to slightly get better and it was now that i met the new love in my life as it was to be Linda .

Lin i quickly realised was a special person ,slightly older than myself ,and with very many special qualities i had not encountered previously in a partner .        Once we had been together a short while i confided in her about my yeast problem ,and she offered all the suport you could ever expect and more besides .

Shortly after that i was able to go back to work and resume my job as manager at the engineering suplies company in nottingham ,and gradually things seemed to get back to as normal as possible .

As the relationship between myself and lin grew ,obviously she had no knoledge of my inner feelings about myself and my gender issues ,and i know again this is awful but i just couldant at that point tell her about myself and the lifelong struggle ive had .

We started to travel and take holidays abroad ,and our first trip witch was my first time abroad took us the the island of Lanzarote , one of the Canary islands off the coast of africa , and that trip will always hold special memeries for myself and will stay with me the rest of my life .

The Following Pages Are The Start Of My Transition Properly ,And Tell The Story OF The Drugs ,The Councilling And The Three Trips To Thailand Over Three Years For The Surgery ( And i travelled a total of 40.000 miles doing this over three years )

Part 5 Of My Story & Bio

In the end of the year of 2004 i purchased a computer and proceeded to stumble round on it ,trying out several web sites and started to run across what can only be described as every thing i ever wanted to know at my fingertips ,and the information and articles i found were to say the least ,what i had looked for all my life .

My thirst for knoledge led me to spend many hundreds of hours surfing the net ,and eventually i founf companies that would suply hormones and antiandrogens over the net ,and you could just pay by credit card payment .

All my dreams had come true in one foul swoop ,and i proceeded to read other peoples accounts of there own stories and transitions ,and i evan found hormone reigeems from gender clinics spread around the world and all the technical information i could ever want .

It was kinda like winning the lottery really to be honest and i couldant beleive my luck,with all this information directlt at my fingertips .

Iproceeded in buying hormones and antiandrogens  from thailand ,and gradually built up the dosage myself over the weeks and months .

The next thing i found was a chat room in the usa called ADULT FREIND FINDER ,and this had a room called the gender exchange room and it was there that i met the person i know call big sis ,and this was Michele ,a 62 year old ts lady and ex viet nam vetran that lives in pheonix arizona in the usa .

We quickly became very good freinds and over the proceeding months michele spent many hours each day chatting with me on msn messenger before work and after ,and i guess was part of the strength that helped me along in my transition .

Michele ( big sis ) runs a group called Transgender Outreach on yahoo for all types of trans people world wide ,and i had tried starting my own trans group without much success really on a thing called smart groups ,but this didant really work to any degree ,so big sis built me my own on yahoo and this was called "Transgender Links Uk ".            The membership quickly grew and it became a safe heaven for all ts and tv girls and there suporters worldwide .

The group enabled me to make new freinds worldwide and also new contacts in the trans world ,and although i dont own that group anymore its still going strong .

With my hormone treatment moving along steadely it was time to think about getting legal and in the system ,and i decided to book and go and see Russel Reid at the London Institute ,in earls court road ,because i felt sure with his guidancei would proceed along with my transition alot better ,and legally it would give me peice of mind to know it was all above board ,and obviously the possibility of the surgery was better being under a gender psycyotrist with a reputable name .

Part 6 Of My Story & Bio

( Coming Out )

On wednesday the 21st of january , i was involved in a mobole phone conversation with Claire a freind from Derby at work and we discussed her female meminisation surgery that was going to take place with Dr Suporn in Chonbori in Thailand later in the year ,but unknowing to myself  i was being listened to by one of my work freinds and the result of that was that within a short while the whole firm had to some degree an idea of my buisiness and my transition .

The following day Dave my boss and employer and a freind of 16 years called me in the board room and asked about the roumers he had been hearing ,and if the information that was being bantered about was correct ,and i just said yes it was .

So now my secret was out fully ,and maby to some degree that phone called helped me solve a tricky problem that i would have had to have delt with at a later date .           Dave asked what my intentions were ,and i calmly explained that i wanted to transition on the job ,and eventually move onto my surgery and gender reasignment ,and i went into as much detail as i possibly could ,this kinda left him sitting there looking rather shocked i must say .

Ithen asked if it was going to be possible to do my transition on the job ,and he said well this depends on wether you feel that you can handle yourself ,takeing into account you have to deal with the public running the sales counter like you do .    But dave agreed it was ok if i could do that ,and i must say it was a mighty big weight lifted off myself knowing that i could move foward and also keep my job ,and i knew this would be very benificial to the outcome of things in the coming future especially when it came to funding things like surgery and a gender reasignment operation .

So it looked like the department manager was now gonna become the department manageress instead in the coming future ,yippeee .

The other major factor now though was my work collegues and wether they were gonna be ok with me on this matter ,so over the next couple of days i had a private chat with each of them individually to put things over and get there reactions to things .

On the whole it all went prity well and of course your always gonna get a couple who object to a thing like this ,and in the coming months these couple of people would surely end up being a thorn in my side ,and makeing life as dificult as possible for me ,but thats what know as bigotry and i had to be prepared to handle what was going to get chucked at me in the proceeding months .

The workforce as a whole seemed to accept things and several wished me well ,and said they thought i had great courage to attempt this at all ,and my reply to that was this " if you want a thing as bad as i do with my transition ,the need and drive to succeed outways the fear and worry eliment totally ".

The other major factor now was my darling Lin ,the lady i had a great love for  and was a big part of my world in every way ,and how i was going to tackle that cituation when i had too .

Saturday night came and we went to a valentines evening at the Crown Hotel ,and right from the start things were not good between us and with myself on so many drugs like Androcure these were to some degree knocking me out ,and sitting in there was a struggle not to drop off to sleep ,and with this happening lin automatically wred it that i was bored and not enjoying her company at all ,and after a short while had a go at me and then said she was going home early ,so the night had finished and we headed back to her place ,and this was the very last time we ever slept together .

The following morning it was crunch time ,and i sat lin down and said ive got somthing to tell you ,be prepared its a real shocker ,well you can guess the rest really .                Well i brock out in floods of tears ,and i just couldant stop crying ,lin put her arm round me and said im glad you told me ,at least i know now ,my reaction was to say ,lin im sorry but i just couldant deceive you any longer my love ,and she started crying also .

We talked some more ,and i just felt as though i had stuck a knife in the person a cared so much about ,and i felt so so guilty ,but it had to come out .

The following monday came and i walked to work through a snow blizzard across the fields on the shortcut i take to work and i had my mobile phone in my hand and lin was on the other end and as we talked i just broke into floods of tears again ,maby it was the hormones ,maby it was the sheer emotion i dont know ,but ive never cried so much in my life ,and this went on all the way to work and most of the day ,i just wept buckets full of tears .

"This Was Coming Out "  Never easy but best out the way

Part 7 Of My Story & Bio

My First Viset To London & Russel Reid

It was april the 5th,and this was the day i made my first trip to london and Russel Reid at the london institute ,and ho boy was i nervious ,but it would turn out to be a day ill never forget .

After getting the express from nottingham and doing the london underground thing on the tube ,Lin and myself finally made it to earls court road and the london in stitute.

I nerviously entered the building and sat there almost shakeing ,and the guy on the reception could see i was a bag of nerves and tried to calm me down by saying Tina dont worry when you have been in there i asure you ,you will come out smileing ,this at this point was hard to beleive i must say .

Russel turned out to be a real gentleman and we talked for alot longer than my alloted time ,not the hour booked but at least 90 minets ,and after a long and lengthy chat wear i really opened my heart to him ,he said as far as he was concerned ,he had no doubts that i was transsexual in every way ,and had probably been most of my life ,and said he would help me all he could to reach my goal .

Itold Russel that i had lived with this terrable problem most of my life and on many accasions tried to regress and leave this behind ,but found it totally impossible to do ,and it would go away , and that the feeling of my femininity had just grown over the years and was ripping me apart bit by bit inside ,and that i had to try and be my true inner self ,and not the sham of a person i had been most of my life .

He seemed very sympathetic and said he thought i should be presribed female hormones ,and i said i was already takeing them anyway ,the ones i had purchased off the internet from thailand , this didant seem to cause any problems with Russel ,and he asked what i was takeing and what dosage ,and he said that was an apropreate dose and wouldant cause any problems to me ,and then said he would give me a script for 6 months worth legally from himself .

Ithen asked about the monitoring and checks i felf i surely should be doing on myself ,and he said he would put all this in the letter to my doctor .

He then gave me several documents saying i was transsexual and that i was under his care and on hormone tratment and antiandrogens ,and also gave me a letter to my employer and letters to help with the tranfer of my passport and other legal parties .

Hnext dictated a very long letter to my doctor in nottingham explaining the cituation in great detail and asking if he might treat me along with himself on a patiant share basis .

All this by now had supassed my wildest dreams ,and evan Linda my ex came into the london institute with me ,and she seemed really amazed in every way with things and as this was the first time she had met Tina in the flesh ,it suprised her alot and her comments were this " ive got to admit you really look the part and i would go as far as to say you look better in this role than your male one ",this really made my day .

While i was in with Russel for 90 mins Lin sat in the reception and waited for me and while there another girl arrived one of Russels patiants and Lin got chatting with her ,and when i came out Lin commented to me that this other lady ts was a really nice person and after listening to her story i think it really toutched lin in a way just how big a heart she had and what a nice person she was .

We caught the tube ( underground ) back to kings cross ,and walked to st -pacras next door and caught the express back to Nottingham ,yep i was on cloud nine all the way home ,this had turned out to be a day that far supassed anything i had dreamed of ,and yes the receptionist at the in stitute was totally right ,i had come out from RR-S office with a smile on my face .

The day had ended up being another vital step foward in my transition over to Tina for good .

Part 8 Of My Story & Bio

"Approaching My Doctor "

It was arpil the 15th and the day i was gonna aproach my gp/doctor about my cituation,and take the letter with me from Russel Reid he has sent me in nthe post .

Iwent to work for a couple of hours first thing ,then got the driver to drop me off back home to get myself ready in my femi attire complete with makeupto see my doctor .

Iset off down the road to the Tudor Medicval Practice with my head held high ,and walked into the reception and said my names ---- -------- ,and the lady told me to take a seat ,well i sat there for 45 minets and nobody batted an eye at me at all ,then the lady receptionist bekoned me to go through to the doctor because he was ready to see me ,so i made my way to his office ,walked in and presented the letter from Russel Reid to him .

He carefully wread the letter and commented ,so Dr Reid has been treating you and he wants me to patiant share with him ,how amazing this was ,this doc was perfectly ok with this arrangement ,and after asking a few questions ,set about wrighting me a script for my hormones and antiandrogens .

Ialso made a point of asking about the tests to moniter myself during my transition and he said he would organise these for me ,and told me to see the lady receptionist on the way out and arrange a date for the blood tests to be taken ,and this would cover all the areas Russel Reid had asked for .

This i did on the way out ,and it was arranged for this coming wednesday ,but ive got to fast the day before ,and have no food or drink for 12 hours previous . So all in all things are prity good all round , and another landmark reached .

It was saturday the 16th of april and i walked into Boots The Chemist  and called for my first N.H.S perscription for my hormones ,and ho boy was that a great feeling ,after waiting so long to reach this point ,but well worth the wait .

So now im legally takeing hormones on a proper N.H.S doctors paper and having all the tests done i needed under propper supervision .

This last week i had an e mail from Dr Chettawut in bangkok after contacting him and he said that if i get the referal from Russel Reid and also get the test results to him ,he will book my slot for my surgery for the pachage of the three ops i wanted ,the srs ,the ba ,and the trachial shave .

So it looks like things are progressing at a really fast pace now ,but i do realise i mustant let this all go to my head ,and the order of the day is to keep calm about things ,and takle one step at a time ,and not rush it .

"Its The 24th Of April 2005 "

Quite a few things are in the pipeline now this coming few weeks ,firstly my great freind Michele has agreed to come to thailand as my suport this coming october the 26th ,when i will be doing my BA ,and Trachial Shave ops ,but as i could only get two weeks off work this time the srs couldant be done ,i would need the full month to do that ,so my srs is now scheduled for the 25th of november 2006 .

When i get there in october i will meet up with big sis michele ,and she has to undergo a mamoth journey changing aircraft three times to get to bangkok ,but im buying the air ticket because she is there for my suport .

Also my name change deedpole is just going through and this was organised by a lady breif in london recomended by Russel Reid ,and she is called Claire -Bowden Dan ,and this will give me legally my new chosen name and id .

My days now are taken up living full time as Tina in the full female role and ive made lots of new freinds in nottingham .

Ive just got back today from an amazing place that became so dear to me ,Lanzarote ,with my ex Linda .,and this turned out to be our swan song really ,the whole experiance really got to Linda ,and she found it most upsetting ,and despite her saying how good i looked as Tina on the island of Lanzarote .

So now were back we have agreed to go our seperate way ,i must admit its a wrench and i would have liked to stay as close freinds ,but right now lins hurting badly ,so its time to keep my distance for a while .

The two weeks i spent in Lanzarote as Tina were a time for me to express my inner self and my female side thats been trapped for so many years in the darkness of my inner self ,and i must say i found it all really incredable and an amazing experiance .

"Please See Tina In Lanzarote Parts One & Two In Main Menue "

June The 2nd 2005

On June the 2nd 2005 my name change officially came through ,so im now officially called .  Tina Marie Phillips ,and after so many years of my old name its quite weird really trying to get used to it ,especially when signing your name , but its another step forward on my quest to gain my freedom in this world as Tina .

Well its now just taken two days to obliterate all my previouse self from all the records ,the tax ,the banks ,the building society ,the pension ,the mobile phone company ,and an whole list of other people in just 48 hours ,ho well thats the end of another chapter in lifes story and another step up that ladder .

Iknow have my air tickets for thailand for october the 22nd ,as thats the date ill kick off to bangkok on my first journeyto Dr Chettawut for my ba and trachial shave ops .

Ibooked the trip through travel care ,and the girls there were really great with me ,and i was so pleased after leaving the shop i went to a flower stall and bought a couple of bunches of flowers and took them back for the girls there ,joanne was in tears ,an amazing day again .

Part 9 Of My Story & Bio

" My Big Day With Russel Reid In London "

It was saturday the 16th of july and one of the most important days i would have in my transition .

I caught the Nottingham -St- Pancras express to go and see Russel Reid .          The train left nottingham station at 8-35 am and headed for london On the train i met a group of girls going to london on a girley weekend to celibrate the forthcoming wedding of one of them .

Thet were having champeign and orange juice ( bucks -fizz ) and strawberries ,and quickly offered me a glass to share with them ,witch i thought was very nice .

I decided to tell them about my self and my reason for heading for london and about my transition and my forthcoming surgery in thailand with Dr Chettawut ,and they seemed great about it all and wished me well.

The trip was going to be tricky do to the bombings on the london underground that targeted kings cross wear i needed to get through on the tube ,and i felt slightly insecure being there ,but needs must ,and i had to go .

On reaching london ,kingscross had a big sign up saying underground closed ,so after asking around ,i knew i had to make my way to Euston station and get the tube there ,and that would take me to Victoria station ,and another change to Earls Court .

It was a steamy hot day and not great for dashing around london in and out of diferant train stations but i eventually got to Earls Court and walked to the london institute ( The photo shows the sign outside )

Iwaited in the reception of the london institute and Russel Reid came out and greeted me "hello Tina how are you ,please come into my office and take a seat "

We sat and talked and covered alot of subjects and i showed him things like my credit cards with my femi name on and other personal stuff i had with me ,and explained how i had organised quite alot in my personal life from last seeing him ( and he seemed rather impressed )

Itold him my intentions were to go to Thailand ( Bangkok )for my surgery with Dr Chettawut ,and all three ops were now booked with him .

We discussed my transition and my doing 24/7  and full time at work and he seemed very satisfied with me ,and then he asked if i would like my referal ,(it was all i could do to contain myself from jumping up and giving russel a massive hug )

I knew after my surgery ,this was the most important thing i most wanted in this world and how important it was for me " i felt so so proud " , and my reply was this " i would just love it Russel you have made more than just my day " we smiled at each other and Russel said " no probs ,ill get it typed out and send it to you " , my face lit up with joy .

Russel then said this " Tina i considder you have abided by the rules layed out in your transition and you have followed the guidlines in this country ,and im going to give you your referal because i considder it will only benifit you to go and have this done "

My heart raced ,and and i felt so happy and full of joy ,and i knew that this was the thing i had wanted for so long and now i finally had it .

Well the day i had waited for so long had come and the result was more than i had ever dreamed of ,and the journey home was gonna be tough ,but luckily by then King -Cross had been reopened up ,so i was able to get the tube streight back to Kings -Cross instead of travelling half way round London on the underground tube .

On disembarking at Kings -Cross i walked back across to St- Pancras and an anouncement came over the speaker system . " all trains coming and going had been cancelled do to a fire on the main line in and out of St -Pancras ,and the next anouncement came saying " passengers for Nottingham ,please go to Kings -Cross and catch the great northern to Peterborough "

So i made my way back to Kings -Cross caught the train ,and when at Peterborough i disembarked and waited for the train to Grantham ,and this took me back to Nottingham ,and got me back for about 7-30 that evening .

All in all a totally amazing day to remember and one that would prove to be a very important one in the coming months with my transition .

Part 10 Of My Story And Bio

Well its saturday the 21st today and this last week things have moved on nicely ,i got my surgical letters from Dr Chettawut in Bangkok ,one for my ba and trachial shave ops and the other for my srs operation.

Acouple of things have cropped up this last week and it made me want to move things regarding my srs foward by a few months ,si ive contacted Dr Chettawut asking him for a new date for my gender reasignment surgery ( srs ),and ive asked for the end of january 2006 ,and im waiting for his reply ( fingers crossed ).

Me electrolysis is moving along now nicely and ive recently switched to a new lady called Sally ,and i must say she seems really good and we have built up quite a freindly relationship in the short while ive been going there ,and become freinds and chat alot ..

Well ive now got my air tickets on Eva Airways ,and my femi fasports all in order ,and just need to purchase my coach tickets now on national express to get down to london heathrow on the alloted date ,and will purchase these closer to the time .

Idecided to purchase a set of duratek stents and contacted Alison there at duratek ,and she e mailed me back saying no problems Tina ,ill get a set sent out to you by courier ,and the day after she rang me for my credit card details .

We talked for a while on the phone and discussed srs in thailand ,and she said she was struggling with the staff she had ,and i commented she had better give me a job then ,and she said Tina ,you come and work for me in Saskatuen ,and i commented no thanks dear ,not with the weather you get .

Well after so many years of hell my life is i guess finally destined to be made right ,and the true inner person is finally getting to grips with the light of a whole new world .

Well the great news i had waited for came this sunday ,and while working on my pc an e mail dropped in my mail box from Dr Chettawut ,and WOOOPI i had got my new date i had asked for for srs and it was rescheduled for the 25th of January 2006 , my wish had been granted .

Part 11 ( Of my story & bio )

Its monday the 5th of sept 2005.

Its just under 7 weeks now to my first trip to thailand ,and the sheer joy of my first tripis really making me so happy .

Well four weeks has now come around prity quick and the adrenalin is really starting to flow through my body ,and its really starting to hit me that in just four weeks ill be on that jet heading for bangkok.

This last weekend ive made two trips into the city to buy assentials to take with me on my trip,and some new outfits to wear while there ,i guess im always thinking of new things im going to need .

New things to add to the list are cropping up every day,and its really suprising the things you need to take ,i i figured with this trip being so special to me ,its no expence spared as the saying goes .

Im going to get my bus ticket this coming saturday on the National Express,i could have taken the train to london ,but this would have ment negotiating the london underground with two cases to get to heathrow airport,at least the bus drops you off at the terminals at the airport.

Well its just two weeks tomorrow to hitting the skys to bangkok ,there still seems a million things to do and organise ,and the enless amount of effort to put this trip together is nearly over ,ill just be glad to be sitting on nthat aircraft heading for my dream .

Well it looks like my great freind Michele is finally gonna make the trip for my suport in thailand ,at least my flights london/bangkok direct ,Michele will need to make three changes of aircraft to get there ,its just kinda nice to get on a plain at london and step off in bangkok with no changes on route .

Well at last all those last minet niggly bits are sorted and ,and i cant waite to be putting all my belongings in to that pink sued trolly case and heading off ,because things this last month havent exactly been smooth at times ,but ive made it and it sure feels good .

Well its now thursday the 13th of voctober 2005 .

Its just a few days now to the start of my dream,a thing many times i never thought would be possible .

All my arragements are made and everthings in place to sart this incredable journey ,and its just a stones throw away ,and its funny really to finally realise that after getting your head into gear you now understand whats about to happen in your life ,and there is a nerviousnes , a kind of concern and some worry ,but all this is overshadowed by the sheer marvel of what your about to do .

When you look back and see that young innocent person ,only a small child ,how fate has finally played its hand on things ,and you kinda realise the countless other trans people have been through there own lifes feeling probably prity much as i have.

You also realise its taken a big chunk of my life to reach this threshold ,and its totally mind blowing for me ,and the years thats been wasted living a lie are now finally coming to an end ,and to finally be able to cross over that wall in ones life is really beyond any words i could wright .

Yes these demons are finally gonna be bannished from my life for good !!!!!!!. 

Please click on the link to read

Tinas BA & Trachial shave ops

(partone )tinasbatshavetrip.htm

Part 12 of my story

and biography.

Its now november the 5th and my flight back after my first ops in bangkok thailand.

Having set off back to the uk on the saturday ,it was late sunday when i finally got home ,and i knew that ,i had work the next day ,ho i wished i had a few days just to rest and settle back in at home ,but no sutch luck really .

Monday morning came round and i get ready and went to work ,but the pain when trying to lift anything was prity bad and sleeping also caused me problems ,esecially if i rolled onto my side and compressed the breasts .

Over the next few weeks i just pushed on and gradually things got easyer ,especially at work ,and with the daily breast massage my exceptance of my new form with the breasts just seemed normal ,and with the stitches now taken out my ears ,it was upwards and onwards towards my next part of my surgery ,my srs in just a couple of months

time back in bangkok thailand ,jeeps ive got that journey all over again !!!.

Christmas came round ,and it seemed a special time to me and a time to spend with my family and parents in our family home .

No sooner had christmas come and it was all systems go to start the arrangements for my srs trip .     Again as before it seemed day after day of little things that needed sorting and arrangements to make ,but at least i had a prity clear picture of what was at the other end of my forthcoming journey ,and i knew the hotel ,dr chettawut and all his staff ,so that part was no real worry .

The last week came ,then the last day at work ,and on the way home i called at the chemist /pharmacy to buy myself a lipstick to take with me ,and while in there i saw a small bottle of scent that caught my eye ,after enquiring i was told it was a tester bottle and not for sale ,so the lipstick and a little oriental vanity box was going to be my purchase and i payed for these items ,and when i got home ,i decided to check the little vanity box out ,and inside was that small bottle of perfume ,the shop assistand had slipped it inside with out telling me .

This brought slight tears to my eyes with the kindness this lady had shown me that day .

Well saturday the big day of departure was hear ,and to read my story of my trip and srs ,please click on this link below .  

tinassrspart1.htm